Well then, next is the student council vice president, Sugisaki Ken-san.
“Ah, everyone. This is the vice president, Sugisaki Ken… hey, you people over there! Don’t boo just because I’m not the president! Is there something about having a pretty boy up here like me that doesn’t satisfy you?! … Hey, why is everyone booing me at once?! You all have got some nerve! If you just think I’m just that guy who likes eroge, you couldn’t be more wrong! I’ll cut you all down at once with these mighty arms I honed by playing Dynasty Warriors (1)… ah, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please stop! Don’t throw things! I’m sorry! The vice president is your humble, obedient servant!
“Sigh... W, Well, I’ll leave that around there for today, hmph.
“Anyways, here’s what I really want to talk about… come on, stop booing! Also, Class B from Year 2, stop covering your ears! Hey, Minatsu, why the hell are you egging them on?!
“Alright, alright, quiet down! Quiet down, you idiots… uwaah?! W, Who the hell just threw a shuriken?! I could feel that through my hair! Also, that was a real shuriken, wasn’t it?! What the hell kind of characters do we have in this student body?! We even have ninja in here?!
“If the ninja’s a pretty girl, then I’m fine with it, but if that’s not the case I’ll kill you! Prepare youself… uwaah! What the hell is this? A lightning bolt?! Using a lightning bolt indoors is just way past common sense! How much damn chakra do you have?! Are you possessed by a nine-tailed fox or something?! (2)
“A, Ahem. Hey, you assholes. The president is glaring at you. Let me get on with what I have to say.”
“… So all it takes is mentioning the president for you lot to calm down? … Well, whatever.
“Lately, there has been a moral problem inside this school. In particular, morals in sexual matters.
“… Alright. I completely expected you all to give me that look. Ahh, it doesn’t hurt at all! My heart isn’t hurting at all!
“Listen up, you lot! It’s true, I love eroge! But think about it in reverse! I love eroge precisely because my sexual desires can’t be satisfied in real life! Do you understand?! So my body is actually quite pure and chaste! No matter how sad that is to say!
“… Hey. Just stop it. Don’t give me those sympathetic looks. It hurts. It actually hurts.”
“Well, anyways, even for someone like me, seeing too many people flirting in school is a bother. It just makes me want to kill something. You guys too… even people who are dating, doesn’t it annoy you even a bit when you see other people flirting? You can’t say it absolutely doesn’t, right?”
“This doesn’t only apply to matters of love. You should show moderation in everything you do. I know how you feel. I know that you want to flirt. After all, my own goal is to do stuff like thaaaaaaat and thiiiiiiis in the student council room with the four others.”
“Hey, cut it out, ninja. Isn’t aiming a throwing knife at my forehead overdoing it?! You, if I didn’t have the reflexes I have, that would have been a direct hit, you know!
“Tch. Well, whatever, it’s fine. It’s really not fine, but it’s fine. I’ll deal with the ninja later. I’ll be sure to deal with you, so you better get all your chakra ready.
“In any case. If things continue the way they are, we won’t like it, but even the student council can’t just continue to ignore things. We’ll have no choice but to make new rules to keep things in check. You might not be able to even stay in the school building afterschool unless it’s for a club or for some committee business. We might even have to regulate how close boys and girls can get to each other.
“If something like that happened… nobody would be happy, right? Wouldn’t you rather it end with just a change in habits?
“So, I apologize, but please try to show a bit more self control.
“Just think about it like this. Having self-control is just another way to earn your freedom.
“And you’ll be able to burn much more passionately precisely because you’ve restrained yourselves.
“You’ve seen kitchen ranges before, right? Kitchen ranges make excellent cooking tools precisely because they release heat into a limited amount of space, in a specific direction. It’s quite different from a bonfire, which just sends fire everywhere.
“So if you want to play with fire, do it like the kitchen range. It’s fine to occasionally burn up like a campfire, but if you’re always like that, you’ll burn out pretty quickly. Don’t you know that love is interesting precisely because it doesn’t always go how you want?
“Don’t just do whatever you want, whenever you want. I know that you want to do it, but please try to be a bit more restrained. This is not because of some rule. This is for yourselves. This goes the same for the people who just want to flirt, and for the people who want that flirting to turn into love.
“Don’t you want the fun things in life to continue for a long time? You don’t want people to find fault with you and for that fun to come to an end, right? If that’s the case, show some self control. Before others try to control you, try to control yourself. That would be a much better way of doing things. Let me make an assertion. When you become a high school student, it gets annoying when other people tell you what to do, right? It’s pretty annoying, isn’t it? Especially if you know that you’re the one who’s wrong.
“Well, things like morals are boring no matter what time period you live in. And the smartest way to evade such boring issues is to protect those morals in the first place.
“It’s not like I think that we should forbid you from cutting loose every once in a while. It’s just that you should never forget the word “moderation.” Love is a fever, so there are a lot of things about it that you can’t control, but whether you try your best to or not is an important crossroads. If you want to also be a student, then try your best. If you think you can quit school in the name of love, then feel free to run wild. I leave that decision to your discretion.
“… Well, I guess that’s all I wanted to say… hey, stop looking so serious. Just act like you always do and ignore me… geez, this just feels so off.
“Hey, you lot, stop clapping! What the hell?! I said stop! What is this?! It’s really embarrassing! Hey, you ninja! What the hell are you throwing a flower bouquet on stage for?! Why does it suddenly feel like I just gave a graduation speech?! What’s up with this pleasant feeling?! Ugh dammit… I, I’ll make you all pay for this later!”
And that was a message from the student council, delivered by the student council vice president, Sugisaki Ken.
(1) Sugisaki actually says the “Musou series.” The original name is Shin – Sangoku Musou (True – Unrivaled Three Kingdoms), but all the spinoffs like Dynasty Warriors: Gundam, Warriors Orochi, and others all use “Musou” in the title, since they’re all the same type of game.
(2) Pretty obviously a reference to… nevermind.